maintaining a relationship

I have always been able to maintain long relationships.  I have dated guys for years at a time and then continued to be their friend to this day.  Even now I am in a committed relationship that never feels like any work and is always an adventure.  So people ask me - How do you DO that?

It's easy!

Don't be mean.

Fights happen in any relationship and they're perfectly normal.  What's not normal is "gas lighting" to start a fight is completely inappropriate.  What is gas-lighting?  It's putting out little pokes and prods to get a rise out of someone or to attempt to manipulate power over a situation.

If you do end up in the middle of a fight, don't bring up anything you've already hashed out or forgiven one another for in the past.  It's desperate and downright rude to rub the past in your lovers face.  We all make mistakes and once something is settled leave it alone forever.  You aren't accumulating a GPA here.  

Adore your partner

I always dreamed I would find a man who would make me feel beautiful.

The thing is, sometimes we get so drawn into what we would like out of our lovers that we forget that they need to be told they're beautiful too.

When we take our showers, my man and I each wash each other.  We don't just sponge and go but take the extra five minutes out of every day to commit each section of each others bodies to memory.  I know every freckle and every hair.  I have washed between his toes and behind his ears for a year and I still get excited to take a shower with him every day. 

Funny enough worshiping someone else makes you feel better about your own body.

I never assume someone will wrong me.

It's easy to think someone might cheat on you or that they're up to no good.  That they are sneaking around.  I make it a habit to never allow that seed to enter my brain.  I trust my partner wholeheartedly.  If he is out partying with the guys and has had too many my only request is that he call and let me know he hasn't been hurt.  I would never think he was doing something with someone else - that's just disrespectful poison to the relationship!

I let him know that I trust him with every part of me and that I feel he has the respect enough to tell me if he ever feels differently about me than he does now.  I think that's critical.

Be honest

Sometimes it's okay to say: "I'm being moody and I'm sensitive."  In fact, warning your partner of these times of moods can not only keep a volatile situation at bay but can often present you with just the type of comfort you need the most!

Don't be so prideful that you end up hurting each other: SAY IT.

Other than that we have other rules for ourselves like that we don't leave the house when we're fighting.  We can go in separate rooms but no one gets to leave the premises until all accounts are settled.  I drop everything for him when he comes into the house.  Whether I'm in the middle of reading a book, blogging, or am elbow deep stuffing a turkey it doesn't matter.  When he comes in nothing in the world matters to me but a hug and a kiss and a Welcome Home, darling!

So stop over-complicating it. 

More on him - www.squidoo.com/mypersonalperfect